The camp out breakfast menu

In case you haven’t noticed from the giant title at the top of this blog, there are only 47 days until this year’s camp out. That means an email will probably be sent by either Bill or myself telling people to officially mark the date on their calendar and secure the necessary permission from wives/girlfriends/parole officers. Some of you may need permission from all three.

Since there’s only a month-and-a-half until the feast — I mean camp out — I thought I’d use this blog entry to outline the breakfast plans for Sunday morning. You may remember an entry from last year in which I debated the merits of camping breakfasts (“Go Big or Go Home?”). In that entry, I volunteered myself to be the breakfast chef for this year’s camp out and promised to prepare “a real breakfast.”

I intend to keep that promise — although I can’t promise that it’ll be “a good breakfast” — and have prepared the breakfast menu below.

Coffee and orange juice

I’ve listed coffee first on the menu because it’s the most important part of any balanced breakfast. It’ll be nice, strong, hair-on-your-chest coffee, too. For those of you who don’t drink coffee, orange juice will be served in sippy cups.

Beer pancakes

I wrote about these pancakes in a blog entry last year. Like I said in that entry, they’re basically instant pancakes made with beer instead of water. That’s right, you’ve finally got an excuse to have beer for breakfast. They might be awesome. They might be terrible. We’ll see, but I’m pretty sure they’ll be awesome. For the purposes of this menu, I’m officially calling these “beercakes.” I was going to call them “mancakes,” but that sounded funny.

Scrambled eggs

If you don’t like the idea of beercakes, it’s probably because you’re lame. In that case, or if you just want something to go with your beercakes, I’ll also make scrambled eggs. These won’t be regular old scrambled eggs. I’m going to throw in some diced green pepper, onion, and a very unhealthy amount of shredded cheddar cheese. I’m talking about a LOT of cheese. You won’t shit for a week. If that doesn’t sound good to you, you can grab a Pop Tart and  your orange juice sippy cup and sit by the fire until your diaper is ready to be changed.

Sausage

That’s right, sausage. Why no bacon? Because bacon is a pain in the ass to cook at home, which means it’s a major pain in the ass to cook in the middle of the woods in Perry County. Besides, even at its best camping bacon is always limp and half cooked. Fuck that. The sausage will be links, the pre-cooked kind without the weird skin on the outside. Again, because it’s easier, but also because that’s the best kind of sausage. If you disagree, I might consider other sausage options, but don’t count on it.